After I had Kane, I was completely bored out of my mind being home with him. It was winter, he just slept and ate all day and the daily visitors coming to meet him were coming to a halt. I actually missed going to the job I hated every day to talk to adults and see the world (or at least my commuting route)! Most of our friends had left Hoboken and moved to the 'burbs, and the few we had here either were at work or didn't have babies like we did. I needed a plan. When I told Tim I was going to a mom meetup group, he thought I was joking. This was not my style at all....I hated small talk, meeting new people, and always said that I had enough friends I barely saw and didn't need more. But, I did. I needed to talk to people in my exact situation. People who couldn't fit in their old pants OR maternity pants, people who still felt the pull of their c-section scar when they tried to sleep on their sides, people who wanted to throw their pumps out the window along with their enormous boobs, and people who just were tired of talking to their husbands about how many poop diapers the baby had that day! I figured the worst thing that would happen is the moms were lame and I left, but at least I got fresh air and a cup of coffee. I was wrong. I met some great moms and wound up really connecting with a few. I had a new excitement over it and kept returning. A few things happened......SOME of my new "friends" were judgy. They may not have meant to be, but they were. They would nurse their babies and mine had a bottle. Not that it matters, but he never would nurse and it was stressful for he and I, so I exclusively pumped which ps, sucks! I don't care how you feed your baby...he's eating, right??? You're crushing it then! Also, I worked. I was on maternity leave. They didn't. They stayed home which obviously made them better moms than I could ever be. It really starts to make you question everything as a new mom. It's so hard to navigate without haters and especially haters that are fellow moms....NEW moms! One local mom who I thought was my friend, publicly shamed me on social media because we had differing views. My child was nine weeks old and I hysterically cried over being a bad mom and a failure until I accused her of cyber bullying and she finally removed her rants. I had heard about mommy wars from friends with older kids. One mom was told "this isn't going to work out" on a playdate when that mom found out she worked and happened to be taking advantage of a day off. One stay at home mom was questioned that her life must be so boring not going to a real job all day and don't even get me started on the breast/formula, stroller/carrier, cloth/disposable diapers, make/buy your baby food, or co-sleeping/sleep training wars!
This sort of goes back to my last article, Mind Your Own Uterus, how is this YOUR business!?? My child is clean, fed, healthy, happy, smart, gorgeous, and thriving. In fact, he's enormous, so I know we are definitely doing a good job here. Can't we all just once and for all agree to disagree and just BE THERE for each other? After all, it takes a village!!!!
I know we've all seen it, but the Similac viral video really will make you laugh or nod your head in agreement and then make you tear up. If somehow you missed it, view it here.